Many times things happen in life that seem to throw a curve ball at us and then our emotions can run amuck. If this happens, we can feel out of control and all our negative thoughts are sprinting on the hamster wheel in inside of our brains. Yikes! This can feel awful! So what to do when our emotions seem to be running the show?
First thing to do is take a deep breath... as slowly as you can. Hold that breath and then let it out as slowly as you can. Repeat three or four times. When we get overwhelmed with our thoughts and feelings, we tend to hold our breath or breath very shallowly. This signals to our bodies there is danger lurking because our bodies need air and when there is a shortage, our reptilian brain goes into overdrive and will do anything for survival. This means we have little access to our thinking parts of our brains and we become reactionary... hence the emotions start running the show.
After taking a few slow deep breaths, try to step outside of the situation at hand and think about what a really good caring friend would tell you... then you say that to yourself! If we can get out of the moment and the personalization of this event, we might be able to look at it in a slightly different way and realize there may be a few choices on how to respond that we didn't have the ability to notice before.
If you'd like to dive further into emotions, take a look at this brilliant TEDTalk:

If you'd like to talk to someone about learning ways to cope with run-away emotions, call Deborah! 619-431-1842

I see so many people in my office who have trouble with sleep. Whether it is getting to sleep or staying asleep, any problems surrounding a quality night of rest can be debilitating. One of the ways to improve your sleep is to adopt the term “sleep hygiene” and follow some of these simple steps.
Getting ready for bed:

1. Establish a relaxing routine such as taking a bath or drinking caffeine-free tea.
2. Avoid watching tv and looking at your computer screen before bedtime.
3. Stop ruminating over problems before and while you are trying to go to sleep. If you cannot shut your mind down, keep a pad of paper by your bed and write your thoughts down to get them out of your head.
4. Lavender essential oils can be soothing and create relaxing environment.

Creating a sleep-inducing environment:

1. Use black out drapes or keep your room dark.
2. Wear earplugs or run a noise machine to block out disturbing noises.
3. Learn some guided imagery techniques to help relax your mind and body. There are many helpful apps created just for this!
4. Maintain a regular bedtime schedule, and stick to it!

Falling asleep after you wake up in the middle of the night:

1. If you cannot fall back asleep within 20 minutes, get up and move to another room and do something boring until you feel sleepy.
2. If you are hungry, eat something light.
3. Practice meditation or yoga techniques until you get sleepy.

 
If you find yourself having lots of anxious thoughts and they keep you up at night, you may benefit from talking to a therapist to learn ways to reduce your anxiety. Call Deborah to see how! 619-431-1842

It is the middle of October already and the holidays are fast approaching. For some people, the holidays represent warm thoughts of family and friends gathering together. For others, the holidays can represent stress and uncomfortable thoughts of family and friends gathering together. Hopefully you fall in the first category but if you don’t, never fear because we are going to talk about managing stress and anxiety. I specialize in the treatment of anxiety and am going to offer you a few steps to keep the anxiety beast at bay.

1. Noticing - First of all you need to listen and pay attention to what your mind is telling you. All of us have negative and judgmental thoughts from time to time but if your inner dialogue is a running commentary of what is wrong with you or everyone around you, it’s time to change that talk. So, the first step is to just tune in and notice what you are telling yourself.
2. Ask – When you notice a negative thought, stop and take a deep breath and ask yourself, “Is this really true and what evidence do I have?” This question is really important because many of us think thoughts based on how we feel or pre-judging a situation without really knowing the facts.
3. Get creative – After asking yourself the previous question, now it’s time to think of alternative reasons about the situation you are facing. For example, if someone was rude to you, maybe they have something major going on in their life and are low on sleep. Or, if you have just been unkind to yourself for something you said or did, extend yourself some compassion and flip that negative statement on it’s back or find some humor in it.

The point for this article is many times we get in our own way and create so much more anxiety than needed. We can take life too seriously and create unrealistic expectations. If you find yourself experiencing unmanageable anxious thoughts and feelings, it might be time to seek out some extra help. At the Carlsbad Counseling Center we have two very experienced therapists ready to help you reduce anxiety and discover more helpful patterns so you can get on with your precious, amazing life. Let's kick the anxiety beast to the curb!

​If you'd like to see how Deborah can help you with anxiety and stress management, please call (619) 431-1842 for a FREE 15 minute consultation!

Connection. It’s what most if not all humans crave; it’s what we are innately created for. However, connection in relationships doesn’t always go as planned and many times it is because we can get in our own way.  Many times relationships can go south because people are trying to get their needs met in their relationships but not quite knowing how to get them met or how to meet their significant other’s needs.
 
Many times people wait until things are not going well to call a Marriage Therapist and get help. If people wait until crisis mode to seek help, therapy can take a lot longer than if the relationship was tended to at a much sooner juncture. It has been said that some couples wait 5 years too late before seeking professional help. FIVE YEARS!!
 
Marriages and relationships do not take care of themselves, they need attention and nurturing so things do not die off or grow out of control. If you have been trying to improve your relationship on your own but things have not changed for the better, it is time to do something different. Lots of people try to make changes but get stuck because a lot of times people end up doing the same things over and over, hoping for different results.
 
I have to say… good for you! Good for you for trying to do something to help the relationship because that means you are not giving up! Maybe you need a few ideas on how to communicate a little differently or make a few changes you hadn’t thought of and this is where a therapist can step in. Counselors can teach new communication skills, help couples identify strengths, attend to attachment issues, and offer tools for setting clear boundaries.
 
Let's see how we can steer your relationship in the right direction! If things are not going well, please call Deborah at [619] 431-1842 today! 

Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) is a therapeutic intervention that was created to help people improve their quality of life when things are not working quite like they would like it to. It has been proven to be very successful in the treatment of trauma, anxiety, panic disorders, disturbing memories, PTSD, and many other emotional problems. The use of EMDR can bring quick and lasting relief of most types of emotional distress through bilateral stimulation (right/left eye movements or tactile stimulation), where both sides of the brain are activated to help release emotional experiences that have become “locked” in the nervous system.

If a person experiences some kind of trauma or intensely troubling situation that is too disturbing for that person to handle in the moment, the person’s mind stores or “locks” the memory of the event with the negative thoughts and feelings associated with it in the nervous system. Because the experience is now “locked,” it can be triggered at any time (even many years afterward) when any kind of reminder of the event is presented in a current situation. This can even show up as a small reminder – such as negative expression on someone’s face or an insensitive comment – which triggers the person’s stored emotions, beliefs, and some physical sensations, like tightness in the stomach or chest. The person isn't aware the memory that goes along with those negative feelings and thoughts has been activated, so the person doesn’t realize it’s really the “old stuff.” All that person knows is there is a lot of discomfort and he/ she may even feel “out of control” in relation to the present circumstances and not know why – all because unprocessed memories from the past are poisoning the present moment.

With EMDR, the bilateral stimulation can help “unlock” the nervous system by allowing the mind and body to process those old memories and meanings that unknowingly have been stored. Your EMDR therapist creates a safe and supportive environment for a person to explore small bits of information that the brain and nervous system have locked away, and recreate a new resolution or meaning of that event so it will not stay stuck in the brain. This will lead to a sense of relief and the ability to experience life with less insecurity, anxiety, and or fear, and therefore a life worth living!  

To discuss how Deborah can help you with EMDR, please call {619} 431-1842 for a free phone consultation!

I don't know about you, but I have found that a common problem that a lot of people struggle with is ruminating thoughts. These are thoughts that pop into your head and go round and round without finding any resolution. Is this something that strikes a cord with you? Would you like some ideas on how to stop or lessen the severity of repetitive thoughts? If so, here are a few ideas:

1.) Identify the underlying feeling below the worrying thoughts.
Could you be thinking about something you said and are worried you sounded foolish? Are you worried about something that is going to happen in the future and you are unsure how you are going to handle it? Write about it. (Yeah, yeah you say... another prompt to journal.) Really though, getting your identified fears onto paper lessens the power they have over you. List what you are afraid of and let your mind explore what that means to you on paper.

2.) Do something physical.
Get outside and connect with nature or do some jumping jacks. Getting a little bit of exercise gets our attention to focus on something other than our repetitive thoughts and can change our perspective.

3.) Just let go. 
Even if it's for a moment, just let go of the idea of control. Ask yourself this question, "Can I change anything about this?" If you can, great, do it. If you can't, say the words "I choose to let this go." AND then breathe deeply and let it go, even if it's for a moment at a time.

4.) Ask for help.
If you have tried these possible solutions and they really do not help, seek out a therapist. A therapist or counselor can help with new thought-changing ideas and guidance on how to implement them into your life for improved daily living.

It would be my honor to help you with ruminating thoughts and assist you in creating a more fulfilling life that opens the door for more fun, connection, and a lot less worry/anxiety. Call Deborah at 619-431-1842 for a 15 minute free consultation!

 As summertime settles in around us, the inclination to relax and kick your feet up increases. This is a good time to reflect on the stresses in our current lives and find a way to "let-go" of them in a healthy and positive way. Maybe work has been creating extra "busy-ness" in your life, possibly the kid's school schedules have been a little too demanding, or maybe family interactions have become just a little too heavy. Whatever causes you stress, now is a good time to try some new relaxation techniques or create new self-care strategies that can become healthy habits because when summer comes to an end, our lives tend to ramp back up.

Here are a few ideas for slowing down and relaxing:

1. Slowing your breath – Close your eyes, feel your feet on the ground (or in your flip flops), and take a slow deep breath. Hold that breath for the count of 3 and slowly  let that breath out to the count of 3. Repeat 3 times and feel your body muscles relax. By slowing down your breath, your body can release pent up anxiety and help clear your thinking.
2. Grounding – Sit down in a chair with your feet flat on the ground and think to yourself "Where are my feet?" Concentrate on feeling your feet in your shoes, feeling the ground beneath them, and any sensations you might feel. Slowly work your way up your body, concentrating on each muscle group until you get to the top of your head. This technique can also help release pent up anxiety and tension felt by restricted muscles and bringing your attention to the present can get you out of your head and back into present life.
3. Creativity – Adult coloring books are quite the rage lately and they really have been proven to help people relax. The activity of coloring with pens or pencils helps free the brain from the task of worrying about life's problems and engaging in the present moment.

Usually the start of a new year is met with hope, inspiration, and motivation. People see it as a way to begin fresh and set resolutions to change what isn't working in their lives. However, many times by the time February roles around, those New Year Resolutions are long forgotten. Could this be you? Quite a few years ago it used to be me I can tell you for sure! Not anymore though and here's why...

I realized instead of taking something away or trying to 'give up' a bad habit, adding something positive fared much better and produced significant results. I didn't add a new diet or work out routine or new rules. I only added on thing and that was a word of intention. In December, I would start reflecting on the past year and what worked and what did not work and anything I'd like to see different in the coming year. By thinking about these things, a word would usually show up and keep showing up that signified what these intentions could be. For example...

One year I chose breathe. Something significant happened that year and I regularly forgot to breathe and found myself holding my breath, so by intentionally choosing this word I began to concentrate on my breath. Over the course of the year I learned to use deep breathing as a tool to help calm my nerves and anxiety.

Another year I chose simplify. I had so much clutter in my brain trying to run two businesses and other busy life responsibilities that I needed to slow down and become more organized. That idea was overwhelming but asking myself "how can I simplify this moment?" when I felt chaotic helped me slowly simplify my life throughout that year.

So for this year my word is attend. It's not the prettiest word but it reminds me to tend to all the personal things I've pushed aside. This is going to be a powerful year! I invite you to think of one word that is meaningful to you and see if using this word over the course of one year can make a significant change for you. It can be an amazing move as I have realized the power of intention one word at a time!

The holidays are upon us and although this is usually a warm and loving time of year, the holidays can bring unwanted stress and feelings of unrealistic expectations and discontent. So, what can a person do to not just "make it through" the holiday season but THRIVE through it all?
 
1. Give yourself some time before you say YES. 
Many times we take on extra activities and responsibilities without checking in with ourselves to see if we have the resources to accomplish these tasks. When someone makes a request of us, let them know you have to check your schedule first and will get back to him or her. This will give you time to decide if you have the extra energy, time, finances, etc. to carry out this request.
 
2. Honor your SELF with some kindness and self-care.
Often times there is so much to do with very little time that our self-care gets pushed aside. Make sure to carve out some time for yourself, put it in your planner if you need to so you can have time to recharge and take care of yourself. Remember, you cannot take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself first.
 
3. Start a new tradition.
Many of us have family traditions that make the holidays feel special. Some of those traditions may not work for us anymore though and yet we continue to follow these traditions out of obligation. Re-assess what traditions work for you and your family by asking. Gently toss aside what isn’t working and incorporate parts that do work or start something new altogether for treasured memories. Maybe one new tradition could be to count all the reasons you have to be grateful! Gratitude is a very powerful tool to help us feel appreciated and invested in our lives.
 
If you “survive” another holiday feeling drained and depressed, maybe speaking to a non-judgmental person could help get you back on track. Here at Carlsbad Counseling Center we would be honored to help you not just “make it through” the holidays but THRIVE through the holidays! We are here for YOU. [619] 431-1842